White IS a Color and the Heart ISN'T a Muscle!

Rock throwing is a human thing. I have, in fact, learned that this has been scientifically proven! Because we’ve evolved into bi-pedal creatures, we have the use of our hands in a way that it different from all other animals. Knuckle dragging and walking upright are light years apart when it comes to instinctual behavior.
 
So now, I can throw a rock at anything I want.

​This is my husband carrying our star.
​ I choose not to throw a rock at him.

Chances are there’ve been a lot of rocks thrown at the moon…don’t you think? I mean it’s right there! Climbing up trees with nets, floating out on a log to the middle of a still lake—poised to pounce soundlessly on the slightly wavering round reflection of light…What the hell? Where is this thing?  I still can't figure it out!
 
A King once caught it at night, in his cupped hands. A Raven stole it from a box. Coyote tricked into a fire and Rabbit walked on its silver road across the sea. Why can’t I do any of these things?
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​I have spangled our star with tiny lights.
My husband is afixing a ring to it.

From the earliest age I can recall, I have wanted “out-of-here”. I’ve wanted to board some kind of ship or grow some kind of wings or build some kind of contraption that would propel me far from this planet. The stars, the moon, the whatever---the nothingness—those unknowns to me seemed more comforting than here; a better place. Life, it seemed, as we know it, is over-rated. 
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​My husband is scouting an appropriate location to hang our star.
I have promised to catch him if he falls, but I am unsure if I can do this.
Still, I stand close by.

I learned pretty early on in school that I was not cut out to be an astronaut. My creative talents in both writing and drawing vastly dwarfed my aptitude for math and other hard sciences. So, both earning a place on someone else’s ship or inventing my own seemed unlikely. The difference between giving up on something and understanding my own limits was a lesson that came early to me.
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​My husband and I both take part in contriving to hang the star and plug it in.
We literally hang on to each other as we do it.

But life is funny, even if it is overrated. Somehow, in my Gen-X Apathy/Depressive Alcoholic manner, I attempted to focus on my strengths and I eked out a formal education. Since my goal was to learn as much as possible while doing the smallest amount of work, I got a degree in Fine Art: a BFA. There were no math classes in Art School. (Actually there was one but I managed to avoid it.) I avoided anything too difficult (as much as possible) like anatomy or history —although I did write a Nihilist Manifesto, which I thought made me cool. I did voluntarily take ONE science class and in that class I made science my bitch!! Meaning, I took what I wanted and spit the rest out. Fuck everyone. (Hey! “Fuck everyone” is a synopsis of my Nihilist Manifesto! Happy accident!)

But as I got older, and craved some unknown thing, I turned first to knowledge and later to spirituality. I studied the arts, I pursued philosophy and theology, I wrote and I mused and I contributed. My passion for art and literature lead me further into science-fiction and futurism. My passion for the Unknown lead me into the Mysteries of life as conceived by those who came before me. These genres later fueled a new and different motivation for approaching those same sciences in which I had felt so inept. I started to see that what I loved and understood so easily was not that far off from those topics in which I seemed to have no talent. I read about physics, I studied quantum theology and string theory and scientific approaches to mythology and dogma. It appeared that the physical world and the metaphysical world were virtually the same thing: the same song sung in different languages. Finding this was also a Happy Accident!
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​Together!
It's not the moon, but it's ours and, if I define happiness as "a general sense of well-being" I could even go so far as to say that I'm happy.

I don't pretend to understand anything. but the pursuit of understanding has had value. But it wasn't until I let go of beleiving that self-knowledge would set me free, that beautiful and poetic things started happening in my life. ​
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Update: Night Star

It was raining when I took this and one of the arms went out a little BUT when we delivered homemade cookies to our neighbors (That's right! Uh-huh!) one of them commented on how nice it was! Yay! 

Bag o' cookies! Doing the neighbor thing!